Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.
Many questions still surround Tony LaRussa's surprising DUI early Thursday morning. Notably: was he wearing his sunglasses?
Second: The second person to throw rocks on a team.
David Carr, having bruised every vital organ at least once in his tenure as the Houston Texans' quarterback, has been replaced by a younger, more nubile quarterback, and threw an oil tycoon's fortune at him.
Matt Schaub, Michael Vick's backup for three years, was traded to the Texans for a coupon for a free order of Domino's cheesy bread. Then Schaub signed a 6-year, $48 million deal. Mind you, Schaub is not a proven starter. What could possibly go wrong?
Biter: A rock that just barely touches the outside of the house.
New twist on an old and busted joke: I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than gambling with Joey Porter.
The ex-Steelers lineman got into a fistfight with Cincinnati Bengals lineman Levi Jones at a blackjack table in Las Vegas.
Also, for those of you in the next-bad-publicity-for-the-Bengals pool who had "punched a dude in Vegas," congratulations, you psychic bastard. Close but no cigar for those who had "punched a hooker in Vegas."
Roll: The movement of the thrown rock after it collides with another.
Hey guys, I think we found Cinderella. This year, it's a chick.
Marist College -- total enrollment, a skosh over 5,000 -- has made headlines (or at least subheads) after they reached the regional semifinals of the NCAA women's basketball tournament. As a 13 seed, they narrowly defeated two ranked teams, Ohio State and Middle Tennessee State. Now in the Sweet 16, their next challenge is to dethrone the entire Volunteer State: 1-seeded Tennessee and legendary coach Pat Summitt.
(Quick facts about Marist: They are located in Poughkeepsie, New York, and notable alumni include Rik Smits and Bill O'Reilly. Wow, Rik Smits!)
The Red Foxes have made it this far, so why can't they advance further into the tournament? If you answered "Tennessee," give yourself a gold star.
Double: A takeout shot that removes two stones from play.
Tanith Belbin and her skating partner -- whatever his name may be (nobody quite knows) -- won third place at the World Figure Skating Championships. No, I'm not much of a skating fan. And honesty, it's just an excuse to link to a picture of Tanith Belbin.
Hammer: The final rock of the end.
Two women's basketball items in the same week? What has this world come to? It's a world where I'm allowed to mention Bowling Green athletics in a national spotlight.
BGSU's women's basketball team, ranked between 16th and 20th most of the year, upset SEC champion Vanderbilt in the second round to become the first Mid-American team to reach the women's Sweet 16. So for those keeping score, we have uncharted waters for both the MAC and the MAAC.
It says a lot about this team that I've seen more BG women's games in person than BG men's games. (Or maybe that says too much about me.) But this senior-heavy team, coming off three straight conference championships, is playing some of the most inspired basketball I've witnessed in quite some time.
If BG can find a way to upset Arizona State today, their next likely opponent in the Elite Eight will be Duke. Do they have a chance? Back in December the Falcons narrowly lost 55-46 on a neutral court after leading much of the game. (It was Duke's lowest point total of the season.)
Being editor of BC Sports isn't Matt Sussman's main job -- nor is blogging at The Futon Report or writing a weekly column for the Toledo Free Press -- and it shows. Contact him at 
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